Apartment 19
by Deceptive Lies
Summary: Genma hated his new neighbor. She was a loud-mouthed, trouble-inducing, annoying little child. She regularly disturbed his peace, chased away his dates, and caused him untold amount of headaches. He did NOT feel bad for her. Not at all. Well, maybe just a bit. Naruto was kind of adorable after all. Fem!Naruto x Genma
1. One Neighbor

Genma Shiranui was a simple man. He enjoyed women, good booze, women, his peace, women, his friends, and most importantly: women. He also enjoyed nothing more than a night of peace and quiet after a particularly difficult mission, which his latest just happened to be.

Genma groaned in exhaustion as he trudged up the stairs to his apartment. He had just come off a two month long A-rank mission, and every part of his body was begging to just drop. He was sore in places he never knew could be sore, and felt numb in places he didn't know existed. The mission was harder than what was advertised. After weeks of trailing the suspects, the shinobi finally had their chance to complete the mission; only for the entire thing to be a trap. Genma and his three teammates had to fight their way out of a swarm of enemies, with their lives barely preserved.

Needless to say, Genma craved for little more than a solid nap. Fourth floor. Just one more flight of stairs. He winced as he prepared himself to once more being the tumultuous journey of climbing.

Just as he was about to climb the first stair, a door to the left burst open with a zealous force, almost knocking into Genma as he barely managed to sidestep. With his eyes wide and attentive, he watched as a small blond fury stomped her way out of Apartment 19, barely stopping to slam the door behind her. With a thesaurus worth of curses spat out loudly in the narrow hall, the little blond terror made her way down the stairs, an echo of foul language strung along behind her.

Genma shuddered at the sight. Apartment 19 was the one directly below his, and for months his quiet elderly neighbor has been trying to sublease the place, to no avail. The building was not located in the best of neighborhoods, just bordering the red light district. However, just yesterday the man had finally moved out, saying his goodbyes to all of those who lived in the building. Genma could only sit and pray that the little girl wasn't the daughter of the newest tenants. He enjoyed the peace and quiet his home had to offer, and he would hate for his solace to be disturbed by a loud brat with no manners.

* * *

Obnoxious knocking disturbed his peace. Genma opened an eye as the knocking grew louder and louder, coaxing him to open the door and pound the assailant into submission. Groaning in distaste, he rose from his bed and reached for his bedside table for his trusty weapon of choice. Placing the senbon between his lips, he slowly made his way over to the door, his mind drafting out a long speech about proper etiquette.

With a flick of his wrist he opened the door, coming face to face with the small blond girl from earlier that day. The child, for she could be no older than ten, had her fist out poised and ready to knock, her other arm clutching a plastic bag. With a widely disarming grin, she exclaimed, "Hey neighbor! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I live in Apartment 19! Let's get along!"

Genma blinked. He blinked again. Looking side to side, he finally answered with a groggy voice, "What are you doing here?"  
The blond smiled, "Greeting my new neighbor of course!"

It was way too early for this. Genma ran a hand over his face, "Great. You've said hello. Are we done here?"

Naruto frowned, " I moved into Apartment 19 today, and I heard it was proper etiquette to gift your neighbors with soba noodles. So here." She shoved the plastic bad towards him.

He tentatively accepted it, his lips tugged down in confusion, "Kid, where are your parents?"

Naruto scowled, "I'm an orphan."

"You're an orphan?" Kami above, Genma was slow today.

"Yes."

"So you don't have any parents?"

"That's what being an orphan means."

"So you live alone?"

"Obviously."

"Why aren't you at an orphanage?"

"Kami above! What's with all the questions? You lack a shirt and you don't see me commenting on it!"

Genma looked down. He _was_ shirtless. Oops. "You just commented on it though."

Naruto growled, "That was because you drove me to the brink of insanity with your incessant questions!"

"Aren't you like ten? How would you know what insanity sounds like?"

"Easy," Naruto grinned cheekily, "All I have to do is listen to you."

"Shouldn't you be at school or something right about now?"

The girl shrugged, "The academy let out early today."

"You're going to be a ninja?"

Naruto grinned, "Yes I am! Not only that; I will also be the first female Hokage!"

"You. A loudmouth. Want to be the Hokage?"

"This coming from a guy who obviously has some type of oral fixation with senbon?"

Genma's jaw dropped, "You're ten! How the hell do you know what an oral fixation is?!"

Naruto shrugged, "I read sometimes."

"Alright kid, thanks for interrupting my sleep, hope I don't see you around!"

While slamming the door, he could hear his newest neighbor scream out, "Right back at you, Oral Fixation!"

Fuck. He was going to be called that for a while, he could just feel it. The girl did look a slight bit familiar to him, but Genma just shoved that thought aside. He could contemplate it when he wasn't delirious from pain and pharmaceuticals.

* * *

"Hey Oral Fixation!"

Genma winced as he halted his climbing. He _knew _that little brat was going to milk this nickname for all it was worth. "Listen kid, I _don't _have an oral fixation!"

Naruto laughed as she leaned on her doorway, watching her older neighbor scowl at her in distaste, "Sure thing, Oral Fixation. Whatever you say."

Genma groaned, "Look kid—"

"Naruto," she interrupted.

Genma stammered, "Excuse me?

"Naruto. That's my name. Naruto Uzumaki. I doubt you heard it yesterday what with how tired you were, so I thought I would repeat it."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! His loud mouthed new neighbor was Hokage-sama's kid!? The Jinchuriki? FUCK.

Genma scoffed flippantly, "I don't care, Naru-chan. The point is, stop calling me by that disgusting nickname."

Naruto giggled, "Oh please, I've seen you around the village, and not once have I seen you without a senbon in your mouth. You might as well admit your fixation; I've heard admitting your denial is the first step to healing."

Genma groaned, "I don't have a fixation, so there's nothing to heal!"

Naruto raised her hands in a sign of peace, "Look man, that's between you and your therapist."

Genma facepalmed, "As usual, this had been a truly _wonderful _conversation. See you around, Naru-chan."

"Later, Oral Fixation!"

* * *

With a flourish, Genma signed his signature on yet another form, before deftly putting that to the side and picking up another one. He hated paperwork, but someone had to fill in the mission completion form. Nara Shikaku was too lazy, and Gai was too… well everything. So to avoid any headache, they elected for Genma to be the one to submit this specific form. Damn bastards.

Just as he was about to complete the last form, a loud noise made him jolt and spill ink all across the page. Genma almost cried as he tried to salvage the mission report, but to no avail. With a scowl, he put aside the now ruined paper, and trudged out of his apartment. As he marched down the stairs, he cursed the very day that the little jinchuriki moved in.

Pounding on his neighbors door, he almost started yelling the moment the tiny girl opened the door, large welding goggles practically morphed onto her face. "Hey, Oral Fixation! What brings you here?"

Genma scowled as he took in the sight behind her. Her apartment was alarmingly bare, with only a small ratty couch placed in the middle of her living room, and a random drill tossed hazardously on the floor.

"Naru-chan," Genma spoke behind gritted teeth, "What the _hell _was that noise?"

Naruto giggled sheepishly, her had raised to scratch the back of her head, "Sorry about that, Oral Fixation. I was just setting up my latest prank against Iruka sensei and my drill kind of ran away from me."

There was so much wrong with that sentence. Like, a lot. Seriously, which smart ass decided to let a ten year old idiot live alone?! Whatever, it wasn't Genma's problem. As long as she kept the noise down, he couldn't care less about her pranks or her method of living.

"Try to keep it down, would you? You made me ruin my mission report."

Naruto blinked. Her head tilted to the side in adorable confusion, "Wait, you're a ninja?"

Genma scoffed, "Well, obviously."

"Huh, I never knew that! I just thought the senbon was just some weird sadist kink!"

Genma winced, "_Seriously_ kid, what the _fuck _have you been reading?"

Naruto frowned, "Icha Icha. Why?"

The ninja felt his jaw drop, "You've been reading Icha Icha? Why kind of psychopath allowed you to read that?!"

"Allowed?" Naruto snorted, "Nobody _allows _me to do anything. I'm an orphan, remember?"

Right. Hokage-sama and Kushina-née were dead. Fuck.

"And none of the matrons at the orphanage stopped you from reading a book that vile?"

"Please, they would rather pretend I didn't exist. Icha Icha was the only book I could get a hold of to practice my reading. Without it, I'd still be illiterate."

Right. She was hated. Genma refused to feel bad for her. She was still annoying, loud, and more trouble than he could afford. Fuck.

"Naru-chan, that book is practically porn with a loose plot."

The jinchuriki shrugged, an action that made the girl look so much like her father Genma's heart almost stopped, "It's entertaining porn at least."

"You're _ten_."

"I'm _aware,_" she parroted mockingly.

The jonin sighed, "Ugh, just wait here."

Naruto blinked as she watched her older neighbor climb the stairs back up to his apartment. Before long, he had come back, a stack of books in his arms. Shoving the bundle into the young girls arms, he spoke, "Here. These are a bit more age appropriate. I thoroughly recommend reading the first book on the pile, something tells me you'll like it."

Naruto raised he gaze front he pile in her arms, her eyes twinkling with unshod tears, "Th-thank you, Genma."

"Huh," he chuckled, "So you do know my name."

"Don't get used to it."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

_Tales of an Utterly Gutsy Shinobi, huh? _Naruto couldn't wait to read it.

* * *

Genma whistled jovially as he stirred the fancy meal he was preparing. With a spring in his step he danced around the kitchen, his counter a cacophony of spices and seasonings. It was a great day; nay, a great week. He had finally gotten a date with the hot bartender that he had been flirting with for weeks, making a lot of money from Kakashi who swore that she would never give him the time of day. With a chuckle, he opened the bottle of wine he had been saving, letting the sweet juice breathe.

The best part about his upcoming date, however, was that Gai was currently on a long mission. That means that no one was around to interrupt his dinner, sending his charming date running for the hills. Genma loved his old teammate, truly, but he wouldn't want to inflict Gai and his personality on anybody. _Especially _a possible paramour.

A soft knocking interrupted his musing. Genma quickly checked his reflection on the full body mirror he had set up next to the door. After straightening out his black button up and running his fingers through his shoulder length hair; he was ready. With a charming grin gracing his countenance, he swung open the door. His date for the evening, Lillian, blushed cutely as she took in his appearance.

"Hi," He greeted with a smile, gesturing for her to come in.

"Hello," Lillian responded, making her way over to the couch and accepting a glass of wine, "You know, I was quite surprised that you asked me out."

Genma chuckled, "Oh? And why is that?"

The dark haired woman smirked coyly, "Oh it's just that I never thought that the famous womanizer, Genma Shiranui, would take interest in little old me. I'm sure you have a parade of women just lining up at your bedroom door."

The tokubetsu jonin sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid, my dear, that I have been the pray of some ill rumors as of late. Some jealous folk running around with their tongues wildly waltzing as they craft lie after lie."

Lillian raised a brow, "You mean to say that you are not a womanizer?"

Genma nodded solemnly, "Nothing but rumors, I assure you."

"Well that's good to hear. My friends have been warning me about you all week. I'll be glad to walk into work tomorrow with my head held high, able to put their worries at ease," she responded, leaning into him slightly as he took a seat besides her.

"Glad to be of service," He leaned in closer, his lips close enough to softly graze her own.

Just as he was about to seal the deal, a loud knock interrupted, causing them to spring apart in surprise. Genma glanced at the calendar on his coffee table; Gai should still be on his mission. Who else would be at his door?

"Oy! Oral Fixation, I know you're home! Open up!"

"Did that girl just refer to you as Oral Fixation?" Lillian questioned incredulously, her nose scrunched up in distaste.

Genma groaned loudly as he made his way to the door, opening it only slightly, "Naru-chan, I have company. So scram."

Naruto tilted her head, "Company? You have friends?"

Genma could feel his eye twitch in irritation, "_Yes _I do. Now _leave._"

Naruto craned her head to look past her neighbor and into his apartment, "Wow, she's pretty! What's that, the fourth girl this week?"

Genma felt sweat pool down his back as Lillian screeched behind him, "_Excuse me_?"

"Naru-chan," Genma hissed, "I have _no idea _what you're talking about. Leave now, _please_."

Naruto scrunched her nose in thought, "But she _is_ the fourth girl this week! You're the only person who lives above me, and I'm certain I've seen three other girls come for dinner, and leave just before dawn this week alone!"

With a disbelieving scoff, Lillian picked up her purse, pushing past the seemingly apologetic jonin, and walked out of the apartment, "Just rumors, huh? Ugh, I can't believe I was idiotic enough to believe you!"

"Lillian! Wait!" Genma called out to the beautiful bartender. Naruto, with a bored expression on her face just yawned, "Dude she's not coming back."

Genma growled, "Naru-chan, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Naruto grinned awkwardly, "Well, I ran out of ramen today, and I don't have any more money to buy food. I don't get paid from the Orphans Trust Fund until tomorrow, and I _was_ prepared to just skip dinner again, but I smelled your cooking from my apartment and couldn't help myself."

No. No no no no no. Genma was _not _going to encourage this type of behavior. "Don't you have any other neighbors to bother? You know neighbors who aren't on dates?"

Naruto grimaced, "Um, not really."

The jonin sighed, "What are you talking about? Besides you and I, there are 18 other people in this damn building."

"Well yeah," Naruto admitted, "But you're the only one who accepted the soba noodles."

"…What?"

"You know, that first day I came and introduced myself? Well, you were sort of my last stop. Everyone else who opened the door immediately slammed it back in my face before I could offer the noodles." She admitted with a sheepish smile.

No. Genma would not feel bad for her. No. Absolutely not… Fuck.

Groaning, he opened the door widely, "Just come in already. And don't get used to this, it's a one time offer only!"

Naruto grinned, "Wouldn't dream of it, Oral Fixation!"

Fuck.


	2. Two Ostriches

Genma was a good ninja. Nay, he was a great one. Even as a young genin, his superiors would sing his praises, letting everyone know just how useful the senbon user was during a mission. He was absolutely lethal in close combat, devastating during large scale attacks, and his years of being an ANBU guard for the Hokage made him particularly brilliant at stealth and reconnaissance. He was near impossible to sneak up on, a fact that gave his teammates many nights of ease while on missions. That being said, this particular night he was awoken to the sound of soft whispering, "Hey, Oral Fixation. Wake up."

In a flash of speed that his previous Hokage would have been quite proud of, he withdrew a senbon from underneath his pillow and positioned it at the neck of his would-be attacker. A soft squeal, sounding both far too young and inexperienced to be an assassin, stopped his actions, "Fucking hell man, you're even kinky enough to keep weaponry in your actual bed?!"

Genma groaned, his eyes finally clearing from the fogginess of sleep, his hand slipping from its lethal position poised at the young girls throat. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up properly, he was able to see the countenance of an annoyingly calm Naruto, her arms crossed and brow raised in indignation.

Genma blinked.

Nope, she was still there. A ten year old girl, her long blond hair finally down from those ridiculous pigtails, and draped in what Genma thought was a ramen onesie. A child. A child who had broken into his home.

"How-" he coughed, clearing up his throat from the tendrils of exhaustion, "-the fuck did you get into my apartment?"

What he should have asked, he reflected, was how the _hell _she managed to sneak up on him. Him; a war veteran and special jonin. She; an orphaned child still in the academy. Whatever, the first matter that had to be cleared up was how the fuck she managed to get passed his seals.

Naruto, at the very least, had the audacity of looking sheepish. Scratching the back of her head nervously, a habit she fell back on quite often Genma had come to realize, she answered, "I sort of climbed through your window. Did you know your living room window is positioned directly above mine?"

Genma blinked. He did not, in fact, know that. Nor was he comforted by the thought that his young neighbor actually did. He took a glance towards his previously shut bedroom door, now opened a fraction. He took a glance towards the grinning child. "What the fuck Naruto?"

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "What do you mean?"

_Breathe Genma_, he forced himself to remember, _she's just a child with astonishingly low social awareness. Take this one question at a time._

"Naruto, _how _exactly did you manage to climb through my window?"

Naruto frowned, as if completely confused by his utter stupidity, "I _climbed. _Didn't I just say that?"

She was too young to know how to walk on walls, and her massive amount of chakra must make it quite hard for her to have even a basic grasp of chakra control at this point in time. So how would she be able to-

Genma took in a sharp breath, "Naruto, are you saying that you physically climbed out of your window, scaled the ledge, and then hoisted yourself up to my floor with only a precarious windowsill and a few jutted out rocks in the wall as footholds?"

Naruto nodded, "That's what I just said, you idiot. Does sleep damage your hearing or something?"

Fucking hell. No. No no no no. There was no fucking way he was going to give that terrifying idea any more thought than necessary. No.

"Naruto," Genma ran a hand down his face, "What are you doing in my apartment in the middle of the night?"

Naruto suddenly grinned, thrusting her had out to give him a book. Huh. Genma didn't notice her carrying anything before, "Wait- you scaled my wall, which is on the fifth story in case you forgot, with one hand carrying a book?"

Naruto looked affronted as she replied, "No! Of course not! I'm not an idiot!"

Genma breathed a sigh of relief. I mean, he would definitely disagree with Naruto's last statement, but she _did _somehow survive her daring feat. And really, Genma wasn't exactly in a position to lecture the girl. That would implied that he cared about her well being. And he didn't. No matter how much like Hokage-sama she looked like.

"Then how?"

"I carried it in my mouth."

"… in your mouth?"

"Yes."

"With your teeth."

"Obviously."

"You carried a book in your mouth while you scaled my wall, dangling from the ledge long enough to open my window, and hoisted yourself into my apartment."

"Have you taken a blow to the head or something? I'm not too keen on repeating myself every five minutes."

Genma groaned, "And giving me this book couldn't have waited until a decent hour?"

Naruto sweatdropped, "Well, I sort of just finished reading it, so I may have gotten a tad too excited to talk to you about it."

"… in other words you broke into a special jonins apartment in the middle of the night… to talk to me about a _book_."

Naruto nodded seriously, apparently sticking true to her conviction, "Yes."

"And you found absolutely _nothing _wrong with this idea?"

"Not really, no."

"Not even the fact that I could have easily killed you just then?"

Naruto scoffed, "Oh please, not even _you're _stupid enough to accidentally kill an Academy student just for startling you."

Genma was going to politely ignore that obvious slight against his character, instead focusing on the much more important fact that this night revealed, "And do you perchance want to explain how you managed to sneak up on me?"

The Uzumaki brat scrunched up her nose, "Don't blame me for being a deep sleeper, Oral Fixation."

"But I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not a deep sleeper."

Naruto rolled her eyes, "It looks like you are."

Genma paused, "Naruto, do you do this often?"

"Do what often?"

"This," Genma gestured, "Break into other peoples apartments."

The Uzumaki chuckled, shuffling her feet awkwardly, "Well, I wouldn't say I do it _often…_"

"How many times?"

"How many times I have broken into other peoples places?"

"Yes you daft child. How. Many. Times?"

"_Well_… a few."

"_Naruto_."

"Okay okay, sheesh no need to go all growly on me. Let's see, I've entered Iruka's apartment a few times to set up some pranks. I break into the academy on an almost weekly basis, also to set up a few pranks. Let's see… I've also set up pranks in the Hokage tower, the ANBU headquarters and a few stores that have wronged me in some way. Does that answer your question?"

No. No that does not fucking answer his question, in fact all that did was give Genma even _more _questions. No. He is not going to get sucked into this little girls brand of crazy. No. Time to switch topics.

"What's the book?"

Naruto grinned, passing the worn green cover that he knew quite well, "It was _amazing_. The main character even had the same name as me! Of course, he was a boy, but still it was super cool! He was powerful, and honest, and brave, and amazing, and I want to be just like him!"

Genma, despite himself, let out a small smile, "I'd know you'd like this book."

Naruto nodded vigorously, "Of course at first I was a bit skeptical since it's written by the same author as Icha Icha, so I was surprised when there was no porn in it at all!"

Genma chocked, "Wh-what?! Naruto did you really think I was going to give you a book like Icha Icha?"

Naruto frowned, "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't you? You know I'm a fan, and you _obviously _have a lot of sexual kinks, so I assume you're a fan as well."

Genma groaned. He really did curse the day this child moved in, "Naruto. Get out of my apartment."

Naruto smiled, "Okay, see you later Oral Fixation!"

"And take the book with you!" He called out, tossing the novel towards the blond as she made her way to his door.

She halted her steps, a look of wonder crossing her features, "But this is your book…"

"It's called a gift, Naruto. Take it."

"I— a gift? For me?"

The jonin rolled his eyes, "You obviously love the book, and all it does is gather dust on my bookshelf. You may as well enjoy it. Consider it a bribe to stop breaking into my apartment."

"I'll cherish it forever!" Naruto cried. With a jump, she leapt onto his bed to give the man a great hug.

"Naruto," Genma spoke through clenched teeth, "Get. Off. Me."

Naruto laughed nervously, "Right, you hate kids. I forgot."

With a sigh, he begged, "Just get out and let me sleep, okay?"

"Bye Oral Fixation! I won't forget this!"

That's it. First thing tomorrow, Genma was buying locks for his windows.

* * *

Genma groaned as his teammates laughed in tangent. Slamming his head onto the bar counter, he pondered just what cruel action he had done in the past to deserve friends like these.

"Come on Genma, that is not a youthful outlook! Surely there must be some positive?" Gai practically cried between his bouts of laughter.

Ebisu made no attempt to disguise his amusement, his snorts obnoxious enough to make the senbon wielded contemplate murder, "Yeah Genma, surely there's _some _positive."

Genma felt his eye twitching at the obvious mocking tone, "No, there is _absolutely _no positives! She's annoying, and she's bratty, and she broke into my fucking apartment!"

"About that— how exactly did a child manage to break into your apartment? Don't you have seals on the door?" Ebisu questioned, ever the realist.

"She came in through the window," Genma admitted with a sigh, watching with a scowl as his two friends began laughing once more.

Gai was the first to stop, realizing the implications behind such a statement, "Wait. This child scaled the wall and climbed through your window, all while being quite enough to not disturb your sleep?"

"Yup."

Silence.

"What the fuck?" Ebisu exclaimed, his level of inebriation and comfort with old friends loosening his tongue, "She's an untrained child, how—?"

"Apparently," Genma rolled his eyes, "She trained herself in stealth by setting up pranks across the village. All while wearing the most obnoxious shade of neon orange my eyes had ever had the misfortune of being assaulted by."

"Huh," Gai frowned, "She would make quite the ninja."

Genma groaned, "Oh please don't remind me. I don't even want to contemplate what an utter pain this child will be with _actual _ninja training."

This prompted yet another round of laughter. Really, Genma needed better friends.

Just as the man was about to order another round of drinks, he was interrupted by an unfortunately familiar young voice, "Hey Oral Fixation! Fancy seeing you here!"

Genma slammed his head on the bar counter once more. Hopefully the trauma would make this hallucination go away. However it seemed as though luck was not on his side, for she quickly exclaimed, "Hah! I _knew _you have been suffering some sort of head trauma lately! And here I thought it was through some weird kinky sex play with one of your overnight visitors."

Gai and Ebisu, not quite believing their ears, delved into another round of hysterical laughter. Naruto, with a frown on her face and a brow tilted in confusion, stepped away from the strange men, "Oy, Oral Fixation. Your friends are really weird. I've seen the one with glasses chase a little boy around the village, which is both illegal and just plain sick, and the green one keeps harassing the Dog ANBU. Are they latent homosexuals, or just plain pedophiles?"

The laughter stopped. This time, it was Genma who cracked an amused smile. Huh. The girl was actually pretty funny when her anecdotes weren't directed at him. As if she lived to contradict him, which as this point he was fairly certain she did, she continued, "Anyways, I wouldn't recommend you sleeping with either of them. The green one seems pretty loud, and as your neighbor I must say I wouldn't want to be subjected to that type of noise, while the glasses guy seems even kinkier than you. Which frankly, I didn't even think was possible."

Yup. It really was too good to be true. The girl never did know when to shut up. With a sigh, he spoke, "Naruto, what are you even doing here? This is a ninja bar, meant for _ninja adults_, as in you're not even allowed to step foot in here. So how the hell did you manage to bypass security?"

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "I came through the back door, duh."

Genma blinked, "Naruto, there is no back door."

"Yeah, there is. I come through it all the time. It's behind the counter, down the hall to the right. Granted, it opens into the Red Light District, but the alley the door is in is Aiko's usual haunt. Aiko never has customers to pleasure during this time, but she's a huge fan of pocky. As long as I make sure to bring her a box when I come through, she lets me do as I please."

No. He will not process this. No. Naruto does _not _have friends who are prostitutes. No.

"And _why _exactly do you frequent a ninja bar of all places?"

With this Naruto grinned dangerously, a look Genma had come to associate with her evil pranks, "Easy. Iruka-sensei likes to come here after the academy lets out. He makes the mistake of letting his guard down around so many colleagues. It's honestly the perfect time to strike."

That poor son of a bitch. Genma did not know Iruka well, but suddenly he felt a kinship with the man that could only come from prolonged exposure to a little blond terror.

"Well, that explains it. As you were," Genma dismissed.

Naruto saluted goodbye, before disappearing into the crowd. Five minutes later, when a flummoxed young chunin who had been painted purple began searching for a viable culprit, Genma could only whistle in faux innocence as he claimed to not have seen anything suspicious. Even he wasn't idiotic enough to rat Naruto out and earn her ire; she had already proved herself capable enough to break into his apartment, he didn't want to know what else she could do with the proper motivation.

"That girl," Ebisu gulped, "Is an absolute _menace_."

Gai nodded, "While quite youthful, she is a tad terrifying."

Genma could only moan. He would contemplate moving, but something tells him that now that Naruto already sees him as a friend, there was no getting rid of her.

* * *

Genma withheld the urge to scream as he banged on his neighbors door. He had been _entertaining _a young female guest, when the sound of loud screeching interrupted them and sent the girl running.

"Naruto! Open up!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'm coming! Hold on to your senbon you freak!" She cried as she trudged herself over to open the door. Genma was greeted by the sight of his little neighbor, her usual jumpsuit covered by an oversized leather apron, industrial made gloves fashioned onto her hands.

Genma felt his eye twitch, "Naruto. We've talked about this. What did I say about making a large racket past 6 pm?"

Naruto shuffled guiltily, "Not to?"

"Exactly," Genma gritted out, "And what time is it now?"

"Uhh… sometime past 8?" She chuckled nervously.

"Yes, exactly. So, do you want to tell me why you decided to make such a large amount of noise this late at night?"

It was a trick question. A set up. Naruto _knew _this. But she also knew that it wasn't her fault, so she hurriedly sought to clear the air, "But it wasn't me! It was the ostriches!"

Silence.

"The ostriches?"

"Yes."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but unfortunately I must: what ostriches?"

Naruto cracked open the door wider, gesturing into her apartment, "Those ostriches."

Genma peeked through, and to his ire saw a large cage in the middle of an empty room, with two large ostriches resting comfortably inside.

"Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"Do you not see anything wrong with holding two ostriches captive in your apartment?"

"Not really, no."

"And why not?"

"Well for starters, they're both male."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Since they're both male, it means I'm not breeding them for eggs. It's illegal to do so in Konoha, but there's a pretty high black market price tag on a large ostrich egg."

Genma did not know that. In fact, Genma did not _want _to know that. He could have easily lived happily for the rest of his life without knowing that fact, nor contemplating just how exactly a ten year old managed to learn this fact.

"If you're not planning on breeding them, then why do you have them?"

"For a prank."

"A prank?"

"Yes."

Genma sighed, "Do I even want to know?"

Naruto seemed to contemplate that for a few moments, before shaking her head, "Probably not. Plausible deniability and all that."

Genma nodded, "Fair enough. Now, next time you decide to host wild animals in your apartment, either make sure they're gone before 6, or put a damn muzzle on them. Got that?"

Naruto grinned, sending a double thumbs up, "You got it!"

"Good. Now I'm going to go and purge this entire interaction from my memory. Have a nice night, Naru-chan."

"Night, Oral Fixation!"


	3. Timmy the Penguin

Genma grimaced in pain as he climbed the never ending staircase that led up to his apartment. With a hand placed on his ribs, the sight of quite a few broken bones, he tried not to wince as he passed by the fourth floor, and the white door with the number '19' plastered on the top typically blew open.

"Oral Fixation! You're back!" Naruto cried as she grinned at her favorite neighbor.

Genma half heartedly raised a hand in a wave, "Brat."

Naruto tilted her head to the side, "You're injured."

Genma rolled his eyes, an act that somehow caused him pain, "Good observation."

The girl scrunched her nose, "Wow I can practically _feel _the sarcasm pouring out of you. Why don't you go to the hospital?"

"I did," Genma bit out, "They did all that they could for now, I just have to take it easy for the next few days and I'll be back in fighting shape."

"Oh," Naruto paused, before stammering nervously, "Ya know… if you're hungry, and you look too tired to cook— um I mean, I made dinner. If you want…. To join me, that is."

Genma knew that he shouldn't. He _really _knew that he shouldn't. Nothing good could come from further interaction with the bratty jinchuriki, it was unhealthy to his overall mental stability. Despite telling himself this over and over again, his mouth moved on its own, "Okay. Thanks."

The bright grin the little blond shot him almost made it worth it. _Almost_.

Walking into the girls apartment, he saw it was different from the last few times he had peeked through. For one, there was actual furniture around. Secondly, there were no ostriches in sight. Huh, for once it actually looked like a normal home— and he spoke too soon.

"Naruto," Genma bit out, "Why is there a penguin on the couch?"

Naruto poked her head from the kitchen where she was finishing the preparation of dinner, "Oh, that's Timmy. Don't worry, he doesn't bite or anything, so you can sit next to him."

Genma seriously questioned his sanity when he actually took the girl for her word and sat besides the unblinking penguin. He blamed it on his injury and lack of awareness.

With a sigh, he inferred, "Let me guess, another prank?"

"No actually," She called out, "I'm just pet sitting for a friend."

… this is why Genma avoided conversation with his neighbor at all cost. She was an unpredictable little brat who _always _managed to give him a headache, "Pet sitting."

"Yup!"

Genma refused to give this more thought, so with a sigh he asked the only question that came to mind, "_Why?_"

"Why what? Why am I pet sitting? Or why does my friend own a penguin?"

"Both. Either."

Naruto carried a tray as she exited the kitchen, which made quite a comical sight as the tray was way too oversized for her small frame. However as a ninja in training, she balanced the weight easily as she placed it on the coffee table in front of him. Taking a seat on the love seat in front of the couch, she spoke, "Well you know my friend Aiko right? The Red Light District worker who uses the alley behind your favorite bar? Well she got the penguin as a gift from one of her wealthier clients after offhandedly mentioning that they were her favorite animal. Anyways, she's on an 'extended business trip' with a client to the Daimyo's palace, so she asked me to look out for little Timmy here while she was gone."

Genma blinked. He sighed, "Naruto, why are you friends with a prostitute?"

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "Because she was nice to me, duh."

Fuck. He tried the hide the wince that was threatening to unleash; it was never easy to be reminded of how lonely of a life the poor girl actually leads. So instead of doing something stupid, something _any _other ninja would have done in his situation when confronted with this concerning piece of information, he just sighed and said, "She sounds like a good friend. How did you two meet?"

Naruto grinned as she served him his bowl of homemade ramen. She knew how people of Aiko's profession were treated, Naruto was young not blind. But Aiko never hid her job as she wasn't embarrassed, so Naruto shouldn't either. She was… well _grateful _that Genma didn't go on a rant and calling her a child— like the Hokage has done those first few times she'd mentioned any acquaintances with questionable professions.

"It's actually a funny story. It was about a year ago, and I just pulled this _awesome _prank on Iruka-sensei involving some tar and feathers. He was… a bit mad. He chased me through the whole village so I decided to hide in the one place he'd never think to check, the Red Light District! I met Aiko in her alley, and she helped hide me behind a dumpster until it was safe to leave. The orphanage was pretty close to the district, so I stopped by to say hi quite often. She's nice."

Genma nodded seemingly understandingly as he took a bite of his ramen, which he was loath to admit was actually quite tasty, "I'm glad you have a good friend."

Naruto blinked, "You are?"

The ninja just frowned sarcastically, "Only because it'll mean that you'll spend less time bothering me and more time with other people, you cheeky little brat."  
The girl stuck out her tongue mockingly, "Face it Oral Fixation, you actually like me. I'm _amusing_."

"You're nothing of the sort," He dismissed, sniffing in distaste as he took another bite.

Naruto laughed, "I'll get you to admit it one of these days, just you wait!"

"Ha! Good luck with that, brat."

* * *

Genma groaned as he opened the door to his apartment. His ribs were still healing, and the pain medications he was on were no way near strong enough to knock him out. As his closest friends were currently on missions of their own, there was only one person who could be at the door, "Naruto, I'm shocked you know how to actually knock on my door."

Naruto grinned as she moved past the injured ninja into his apartment, her small arms cradling the damn penguin to her chest as she waltzed into his sanctuary as though she owned the place, "I would have climbed through the window again, but I didn't want to risk hurting little Timmy."

Genma sighed in defeat, closing the door behind her and flopping on his couch, "And _why _have you and little Timmy come to bother me this time?"

Naruto flashed her teeth in a feral grin that Genma would _never _admit to being afraid of. Extending the penguin towards him, she stated matter of factly, "Timmy missed you."

Genma, who was now face to face with the creepy unblinking penguin, just stated hysterically, "Of course, Timmy the Penguin missed me. Why not? That's, after all, the new normal in my life since you moved in, why would I ever doubt the validity of the statement?"

Naruto nodded seriously, passing the penguin into his unwilling arms before striding towards his kitchen, "Great, I'm glad you understand!"

Genma didn't even _want _to know what Naruto was doing in his kitchen, so instead he held Timmy and looked into his eyes as he spoke, "Your baby sitter is a wack job."

To this day until the end of days, Genma would _swear _that the damn penguin actually nodded back in agreement.

The clatter of pans drew his attention back to the kitchen, where Naruto was _still _doing… well whatever it was she was doing. "Naruto," he called out in exasperation, "What are you doing in my kitchen?!"

Naruto poked her head out of the kitchen, flour staining her forehead as she smiled, "Making lunch of course! You're injured, and if you starve to death, the smell will be horrible, and as your neighbor I really don't want my own apartment to smell like a dead sexual deviant. Ergo I'm cooking for you."

Genma exchanged glances with the penguin who for some reason was still in his lap, before sighing, "No ramen this time!"

"Beggars can't be choosers, Oral Fixation! So suck it up! I know you're already good at that!"

If the insults weren't directed towards himself, Genma really would find Naruto to be hilarious; her sexual innuendos unparalleled even by the most veteran of shinobi. Instead, he tapped into his inner child that the brat always managed to coax out, and threw a pillow towards the kitchen door.

* * *

Five days. Five days of fucking torture as he was unable to leave his apartment building for fear of injuring himself even further. Five fucking days with only Naruto and Timmy the Penguin as sources of amusement. The two, like clockwork, showed up every day at his apartment at 11:00, and did not deign to leave until well past sunset. In that time Naruto had brought over more board games then Genma was even aware existed, and she somehow kicked his ass in all of them. Literally all of them. As in Genma, a full grown adult and jonin, couldn't beat this 10 year old academy brat in even one of her stupid little games.

She had the luck of a God, Genma decided, and sometime soon he was going to drag the girl into a casino to help win them a bit of money. And no, he didn't feel it inappropriate; it's hardly like he could corrupt her even further than she managed to corrupt herself.

By the end of the five days, when he was finally healed enough to go out alone and Naruto had remembered she was an academy student and should _probably _attend at some point this week, he was glad to be out of the apartment. His first stop, naturally, was a bar. He had spent the last five days in close quarters with Naruto, if anyone in his village deserved a stiff drink, it was him.

Slipping into his usual counter, and sipping his usual poison, he finally felt at peace. Soon enough, someone slipped into the booth in front of him and disturbed his moment of tranquility, "Hard day?"

Genma glared at the copy-cat before sighing, "Hard week. I've been confined to bed rest after a mission."

Kakashi clicked his tongue sympathetically, "We've all been there."

Genma really _really _doubted that.

"Hey Gentlemen! I have a bet going against Kurenai; do you guys think the hot bartender would sleep with me if I offered 'my services'?"

Genma chuckled as Anko, Kurenai and Asuma joined the duo at the booth, "Sorry Anko, I have to side with Kurenai on this one."

Anko pouted, "What about you Kakashi? Do _you_ think she'll sleep with me?"

Kakashi looked up from his orange covered book, "Sorry Anko, did you say something."

Anko huffed and crossed her arms as she leaned back into her seat, "You guys all suck."

Asuma laughed, "So Genma, heard you got injured on the last mission."

Genma winced at the reminder, "Got hit by the blunt side of a war hammer by some Iwa bastard. Broke a few ribs."

"Are you okay?" Kurenai asked sweetly.

Genma grinned wolfishly, "Why Kurenai, I am absolutely _perfect_. But if you want to help nurse me back to shape then as a gentlemen I'll have to allow you."

Before Kurenai could work out a flustered response, Anko exclaimed, "Holy fuck is that a penguin running through the bar?"

All of the shinobi instantly looked, only to be shocked to see a small penguin causing mayhem as it ran through the establishment.

Genma just shrugged nonchalantly as he returned to his drink, "Oh, that's just Timmy."

"What the fuck is a Timmy?" Anko asked.

"Timmy is the penguin."

Silence.

"And— you _know_ this Timmy?" Kakashi asked, the odd situation finally tearing him away from his literature.

"My neighbor is pet setting him for the week. He actually belongs to the night walker who works in the alley that the back door of the bar leads to," Genma informed them carelessly, gesturing to the bartender for another drink.

Silence.

"Wait. There isn't a back door to this bar," Kurenai said.

Genma nodded, "Yeah there is. It's behind the counter, down the hall and to the right. It opens up to the Red Light District, where Timmy's real owner works."

Silence.

"And owning a penguin is legal in Konoha?" Asuma asked tentatively. The laws for animal control with civilians was quite strict, so he wasn't aware of the extract intricacies.

Genma just nodded, apparently not even seeing the oddity of this conversation, "As long as you don't enter it into a bird orgy or fighting rink, it's legal."

Silence.

Perhaps Genma should not have used Naruto's _exact_ words when describing the legality of owning a penguin, but _fuck _five days in that psychopaths constant presence was apparently enough to severely affect his sanity.

"What the fuck have you been doing during your spare time man?" Anko questioned, amusement colored on her features.

Genma grimaced, "I have a— _really _weird neighbor."

* * *

Naruto grinned jovially as she sprinted towards her favorite place in the whole wide world: Ichiraku Ramen. Her sanctuary amongst the previously lonely streets of Konoha, where she felt welcome no matter how many pranks she pulled. Although it wasn't quite her only sanctuary anymore. It was odd to admit, but her neighbors apartment also began to feel like home to her. A place where she could have amusing conversations without fear of being ostracized. It was different, in an awesome way.

Leaping onto her usual seat and slamming her hand down imperviously on the counter, she cried, "Hey Teuchi! Hey Ayame! I'll take my usual please!"

The older man chuckled at the blonds antics, "Right away, Naruto-chan."

The young girl smiled, and just before she could reply another customer sat at the booth. His smooth voice spoke softly, "One chicken ramen please."

"Oh hey, it's the Pedophile!" Naruto exclaimed, watching the light reflect off of his glasses as the jonin sighed.

"Naruto, my name is Ebisu. Use it."

Naruto pretended to ponder the idea, before ultimately discarding it, "Nah, Pedophile suits you more."

Ebisu groaned, his hand raising to massage the bridge of his nose in exasperation, "Genma was right, you _are _ridiculously stubborn about your foul nicknames."

"It's one of my better qualities, I'll admit."

"Agree to disagree," Ebisu mumbled under his breath, "Wait. What are you even doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at the academy right about now?"

Naruto shrugged as she dug into the bowl Ayame had just placed in front of her, "Well yeah. But I got bored and hungry, so I left."

Ebisu paused, "You got bored and hungry, so you left the academy?"

Naruto nodded absentmindedly as she obnoxiously slurped her ramen, "Yup. Iruka-sensei was droning on and on about who-knows-what and I just couldn't find it in me to care."

Behind his reflective shades, Ebisu's eye was twitching in justified annoyance. With a thin coating of rage covering his words, he spoke, "So you just _left?_"

Naruto frowned as she stared up at the man, "Are you _deaf_, Pedophile? I'm not too keen on repeating myself you know."

With a visible twitch in his cheek, Ebisu suddenly stood up. Grabbing onto Naruto's forearm, he dragged her away from her ramen kicking and screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK PEDOPHILE!? LET ME GO!"

"You are going back to the Academy right this instant, I don't care if I have to _drag _you the entire way!" Ebisu exclaimed passionately, ignoring curious passerby's as he hoisted the little blond onto his shoulders.

"LET! ME! GO!"

"Your education is important. As a future ninja of the village, it is flat out dangerous to skip out on your lessons like this."

Naruto tried all she could to kick her captor, "I'll go, I'll go! Just put me down!"

Ebisu paused, "You promise?"

"Yes!" Naruto exclaimed as she wiggled in his hold, "Just put me down, I promise I'll go."

Slowly, Ebisu eased the young girl on her feet, waiting until she grabbed her bearings. Before he could speak another world, dirt was thrown in his face as the orange clad blond darted into a side alley as fast as her legs could carry her, "NOT! Later Pedophile!"

"NARUTO GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Ebisu shouted, with only a string of girlish laughter as his answer as he chased after the ridiculous ninja.

* * *

Genma felt his smirk grow with each passing second of resonating silence, his lips twitching in amusement as he stared down at his dirt covered friend, "So… are you going to explain _why _you decided to chase my _academy attending _neighbor down the streets of Konoha for well over an hour?"

Ebisu frowned in response, his arms crossing and his lips curled into a petulant pout, "She's ridiculously good at evading capture for an academy student."

Genma nodded, "No, I know _that_. She did manage to break into my apartment after all, so I assumed that evading capture would be a part of her skill set. What I'm confused about is why you felt the need to chase her in the first place."

Ebisu sighed as he wiped the dirt off his glasses, his voice softly muttering, "She was skipping the academy."

Genma, as a ninja well worth his reputation, heard the man loud and clear, "So. You chased a ten year old all around the village. Because she was skipping."

Ebisu frowned, "It is detrimental to the future of Konoha for a child to be skipping the academy. We cannot foresee the repercussions this could have in the future when she is a kunoichi and has gaps missing in her education."

Genma stifled a laughter, a corner of his lips turning up in amusement, "She's a right brat, isn't she?"

Ebisu sighed loudly and dramatically, "_YES! _I don't understand how you could possibly deal with her for extended periods of time, only three minutes in her presence was enough to spiral me into a homicidal rage."

Genma laughed, "I told you! She just has a way of pushing your buttons. I've stopped letting her affect me, it was bad for my lingering sanity."

"How do you deal with," Ebisu scrunched up his nose in disgust, "the _vile _nicknames?"

Genma patted his old teammates shoulder sympathetically, "When I figure out how to deal with it, I'll let you know."

Ebisu slammed his head on the kitchen counter. This girl was going to be an absolute menace, he just _knew _it.


	4. Remember a Time

_**Three years later…**_

Genma slammed his head on the wall in absolute frustration as he watched the young blond lose her footing once more, slamming onto the cold concrete floor and letting out a whine of pain, "Ow."

Genma scowled as the girl scratched the back of her head nervously, a sheepish grin spreading across her face, "Oops?"

The older ninja sighed, "Naruto, how many times do I have to tell you to concentrate on your chakra flow?"

Naruto grumbled murderously, "I'm freaking _trying _you kinky bastard. It's harder than it looks!"

Genma raised a brow, "Oh really? I had this completely down by the time I was made genin, and that was back when I was only eight years old."

"Fucking show off," Naruto muttered as she rose to her feet, placing the various leaves around multiple points of her body before placing a foot onto the wall and beginning her climb, "Did _you _have a demon stuffed into your gut messing with your chakra control?"

Yeah. So Genma _may _have broken the S-ranked secret and let the girl know the truth behind the civilians hatred of her. In his defense, she had handled the news extraordinarily well. Plus he wasn't going to let the girl live her entire life in ignorance over the danger that she carried, it wasn't fair to her, "All I hear are excuses, Naru-chan."

"Fucking sadist," Naruto stuck her tongue out at her friend as she concentrated on both balancing on the wall and keeping the leaves stuck to her body. She had long ago mastered wall climbing and water walking, now she mainly focused on controlling small amounts of chakra from her tenketsu points.

"Maybe if you spent more time training and less time mouthing off, you wouldn't be having such difficulties with the task," Genma taunted with a smirk as he leafed through a novel, reclining on the couch languidly with one eye firmly placed on his neighbor.

Naruto scoffed, "I'm not having _difficulties_, it's not my fault that my bastard of a neighbor keeps distracting me from my task!"

"I'm the one training you, you freaking brat!"

"Well you're not doing that good of a job of it, now are you Oral Fixation!?"

"That's because you have the attention span of a squirrel!"

"At least I don't have any homoerotic tendencies!"

"For the millionth time, I'm not sleeping with Gai!"

Naruto snorted, her arms crossed in disbelief, "Could have fooled me."

Genma rolled his eyes, "_Anyone _can fool you, Naruto. You're an idiot."

"Sex fiend!"

"Moron!"

"Kinky bastard!"

"Idiot!"

"Pervert!"

"Brat!"

The squeaking of the door interrupted their screaming match, as well as the loud booming voice the followed the opening of the door, "Genma, is it quite unyouthfull for you to partake in a screaming match with a child."

Genma's eye twitched in anger, "She's not a child, she's a _menace_."

Naruto scrunched her nose in indignation as she calmly jumped down onto the floor, "You're just mad because you suck at teaching."

"No, you're just unteachable," Ebisu declared as he strolled into the apartment, his hands carrying multiple bags of takeout.

Naruto rolled her eyes as she helped Gai set the table, "Blah blah blah, it's not my fault if you're a boring teacher. I just feel bad for Konohamaru, the poor kid has been stuck with you for a while."

"The honorable grandson is coming along in his studies quite nicely," Ebisu informed the young blond as he huffed.

"He's a brat," Naruto deadpanned.

"Takes one to know one," Ebisu sassed right back.

Genma could remember a time when his apartment was his own personal sanctuary; a quiet haven of bliss and peace. Until a blond menace moved in directly below him and started to break into his home on a regular basis. He had long ago given her a key to the apartment, it was much easier than replacing the window locks every other week.

Ebisu could remember a time when he was quiet and demure, the perfect ninja. A time before a bratty little blond began to tag along to his team meetups with his closest friends and old comrades. A time before the tiny moron integrated herself so deeply within their lives. Now he frequently found himself raising his voice, having shouting matches with a foul-mouthed girl who hadn't even graduated from the academy yet.

Gai could remember a time when his team was not so youthful. A time when the burden of battle and war was etched across their visages for all to see, a time when they found little joy in the simplicity of life and focused solely on the mission. But then Naruto entered their lives. She was a little whirlwind draped in orange, bringing youth back to his closest friends as they strained their voices arguing with the creative blond. Gai would be forever grateful to Naruto Uzumaki; for she reminded them all why they became ninjas in the first place. To create a brighter world for them all to live in.

"Did you bring the ramen?" Naruto questioned as she grasped the food Genma passed her.

"You know the rules little Naruto," Gai reminded the girl with a genuine smile, "You must eat your vegetable first and _then _you can have your ramen."

Naruto pouted as she threw herself onto the couch, "You guys suck."

"Naruto, stop complaining and eat your vegetables," Ebisu commanded with a snarl of annoyance.

"Don't tell me what to do Pedophile!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

Yeah. Things were pretty quiet in Genma's apartment before Naruto moved in. But three years had passed since those silent times, and honestly Genma wouldn't trade it for the world. As much as he hated to admit it, the blond brought amusement to their lives. She had brought his old team even closer together. Before she integrated herself in their lives, Genma would only meet up with his teammates every other month or so. Now the odd group of four had a standing lunch every week as long as they were in town. Even if one or two of them were on a mission, the others would still meet up regardless; if for no other reason than to make sure Naruto actually ate a healthy meal every once in a while.

Naruto Uzumaki was an annoying brat, but she was also one of their closest friends. It was odd. Very odd. The three ninja's tried not to question it so deeply, it would just give them a headache.

* * *

Naruto took in a deep breath as she pushed open the academy doors. This was it. It was finally time. All of her years of training all led up to this defining moment: the graduation exam. This was the time to prove that Naruto Uzumaki _deserved _to be a kunoichi of Konoha.

Genma was being a total loser by refusing to tell her the particulars of the exam, so Naruto was forced to get creative in order to fully prepare for the final. And by getting creative, she meant that she hunted down Neji Hyuga and annoyed him into recounting his own exam. Because of his insights, she knew that this wasn't the _true_ exam, but this was still the first step to becoming a ninja.

She wasn't afraid. Her skills were definitely up to par, she was probably one of the best in the class in terms of the physical aspects. She was still far behind in book work, her years of slacking off in class placing her decidedly as the Dobe of the class, yet she knew that she could easily pass the exam. Now that she had a secret weapon. She silently thanked Genma as she took a seat and waited for the examination to begin, without him she would have failed for sure.

Two Kage Bunshins later, and Naruto had a brand new headband to display, the proud smile of Iruka-sensei fresh in her mind as she skipped out of the academy. So perhaps it was a bit amoral for Genma to teach her a B-ranked forbidden jutsu, but Naruto had the chakra capacity to use it effectively, so really he couldn't be blamed. Plus it wasn't like the she would ever be able to produce a regular clone, it was _way _too difficult for someone with her reserves. Genma used this _exact _argument to defend himself to the Hokage after Naruto had successfully gotten away with a vicious prank by taking advantage of the liberal usage of Kage Bunshin.

Skipping away in joy, Naruto Uzumaki failed to see the glare directed towards her back by a man she was supposed to trust.

* * *

"I don't know why you're so excited," Ebisu sniffed, "we graduated when we were only eight years old."

Naruto glared at the older man whilst Old Man Ichiraku just chuckled as he delivered their bowls of ramen, "You graduated during war time, you damn pervert. They were obviously desperate for meat shields to act as distractions against the enemies while the _real _ninjas did all the work."

Gai let out a bellowing laugh, "You are indeed correct Naruto! During war times the standard for graduating ninjas was _much _lower, they needed every able body to fight on the front lines. However Choza-sensei was still really strict with out training regimen, we owe him our lives for surely we would not have survived without his guidance."

Genma let out a shiver, "The man was a slave driver."

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "Was that the beginning of your whole kink?"

Genma shut his eyes as he let out an exasperated sigh. It was really ridiculous that he had gotten this accustomed to her foul language throughout the years, "No, Naruto."

Gai grinned, "Regardless, we are proud of you for graduating Naruto. We knew that you could do it!"

"Maybe if you actually attended the academy regularly instead of skipping with the Nara and Inuzuka brats, you might have been able to score higher than dead last," Ebisu sassed as he took a tentative bite of his steaming hot ramen.

"Maybe if you take a giant senbon, and shove it up your ass, you may finally dislodge the stick that has been stuck there for the last three years," Naruto quickly quipped back.

Ebisu's eye twitched, "_Why you little_-"

Genma was quick to interrupt, "Are we really going to start this again?"

"Sorry Genma," the two parties chanted in tandem, glaring at one another fiercely as the senbon user just rolled his eyes.

"So," Naruto grinned as she won the staring contest against Ebisu, "do you guys know who my team is?"

"No idea," The three unconvincingly parroted back.

Naruto pouted as she crossed her arms, "_Fine_, be uncooperative. See if I care!"

"Don't worry, Naruto. I'm sure you will be placed in good hands," Gai comforted the girl.

Naruto just rolled her eyes, "Whatever, I'm good as long as I don't get someone deranged, like the Snake Bitch or the Perverted Cyclops. Hey, do you think I can convince Smokey to take me on as a student?! He's a wind user like me, plus he's _awesome._"

The three ninja just shared secretive smiles as the girl continued to rant. Oh she was going to be _pissed _when the team was announced. They couldn't wait.

* * *

"FUCK NO!" Naruto cried as she rose from her seat, her hands slamming down on the table in justified anger, "I am _not _going to work under that pervert! Do you have any _idea _how late he is to every single meeting?!"

"Naruto! _Sit down_!" Sakura hissed, yanking on her jumpsuit and forcing the blond to tumble back into her seat.

Naruto just slammed her head on the desk repeatedly. Oh what kind of fresh hell was this team?! As if being stuck with the expressionless Uchiha and the screeching Haruno wasn't enough, she had to deal with Hatake Kakashi too?! Sure, the cyclops was fairly amusing. She frequently enjoyed watching him mess with Gai, bringing tears of amusement to her eyes as the Green Freak pranced around the village on one of their _many _competitions. But Kakashi was perhaps one of the most annoying jonin's in the entire village, deriving joy from messing with Naruto in any given moment. How many times had the perverted cyclops "accidentally" ruined one of her pranks by walking in at precisely the wrong moment, thus bringing attention to her precense?

"This is going to suck," Naruto bemoaned.

* * *

"Well well well, if it isn't cute little Naru-chan!" Kakashi cooed the minute the three newly mined genin entered the roof.

Naruto scowled as she flicked her middle finger at the sensei, "Blow me you fucking pervert."

Kakashi clicked his tongue in faux disappointment, "Naru-chan, how many times must I tell you to clean up your language. That is not how a proper young lady should behave."

"I'll tell you where you can shove your opinions about young ladies, you fucking little—"

Sakura clamped a hand around Naruto's scowling lips, "Naruto! You can't talk to our sensei like that!"

Naruto shoved her teammate, "Oh, bite me pinky."

Sasuke raised a brow nonchalantly, "I'm assuming the two of you are acquainted?"

"Un-fucking-fortunately," Naruto crossed her arms in indignation.

Kakashi chuckled as he explained, "Little Naru-chan and I happen to share a few mutual friends."

"You share friends with a jonin?" Sakura questioned incredulously. Frankly, she didn't even know the blond _had _any friends in the first place.

"Naruto happens to be quite popular amongst the jonin in my age group, isn't that right Naru-chan?" Kakashi teased, his one visible eye turning up in amusement.

"You're a sick and twisted fuck, you know that?" Naruto snarled.

"Naruto!" Sakura cried.

Kakashi just titled his head to the side, "Would you have preferred Anko as a sensei? I know she showed interest in taking you under her wing, I can always ask her to replace me if you wish."

Naruto felt all the blood drain from her face as she hurriedly replied, "What? No no no, I was merely jesting with you Kakashi-sensei! I am _super _excited to have you as my teacher!"

The bastard just chuckled as he lowly replied, "That's what I thought. Now, why don't we all introduce ourselves?"

Damn that sick bastard.

* * *

"I fucking _hate _you," Naruto declared as she strolled into Genma's apartment, chucking a sharpened kunai at his head.

Lazily catching the weapon, Genma drawled, "What did I do this time?"

"_Hatake Kakashi?! _I got stuck with the Perverted Cyclops and _nobody _told me!?" She screeched, helping herself to his fridge as he just chuckled.

"Sorry Naruto, but I wasn't allowed to tell you until the team assignments were announced."

Naruto clicked her tongue in annoyance, "Oh please, since when have you cared about keeping secrets from me? You hid this from me just to annoy me."

Genma shrugged, "Consider it payback for the prank you pulled last week."

Naruto turned to the older man, her jaw unhinged in disbelief, "Oh come on! That prank was _awesome_!"

Genma's smile strained in anger, "My date certainly didn't think so."

The Uzumaki snorted as she opened the yogurt she had procured from his fridge, jumping onto the couch as she replied, "Not my fault that the women you pick up have no sense of humor."

"Naruto, you glued her to the floor."

"Exactly, like I said. No humor."

"Naruto," Genma sighed, "Get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Don't you want to hear how my team passed the demented cyclops's test?"

"I don't care,"

"It's a good story, I promise!" Naruto teased, a grin spreading across her features.

Genma groaned, "Naruto. Read my lips: I. Don't. Care."

Naruto shrugged as she rose to her feet, leaving the apartment lazily as she called out, "Fine! I guess you don't want to hear about how I dyed the cyclops in the same neon green Gai is known for."

Naruto had already left the apartment before Genma could fully process the statement, "Wait. You did _what?!_"

* * *

Neji groaned as the grating high pitched laughter assaulted his ears, "Naruto, it's too early in the morning for you to be a nuisance."

Naruto grinned as she skipped over to the effeminate Hyuga, throwing her arms around him as she pulled the stoic boy into a hug, "It's never to early for friendship!"

Neji Hyuga could remember a time when he had no friends, a time where all he cared about was fate. A time where he found no joy beyond training. A time before this obnoxious blond a year younger than he, who for some reason proclaimed herself to be a friend of his _much _older sensei, kicked his ass so throughly that he was forced to reexamine his life decisions. A year ago he didn't need anyone in his life, but this bratty academy student forced herself into it regardless. His sensei, at least, was sympathetic to his plight. Apparently the blond had done the same to him.

Neji's eye twitched in annoyance, "Naruto, _what _do you want?"

Naruto snorted as she released the older boy, "Relax, I'm actually here to see your sensei. Where is the freak anyways?"

That was something Neji could never get used to, her casual insults directed towards the strongest jonins Konoha had to offer. The girl had absolutely _zero _self preservation skills. With a sigh, the genin answered, "He and Lee have declared yet another competition. Tenten somehow got dragged into it as well."

Naruto whistled lowly, "_Damn_, poor girl."

"Indeed."

"Anyways, I have to go to my own team meeting, but tell the freak I stopped by!" Naruto declared.

"Congratulations on your promotion, Naruto. I'm sure you will make a great kunoichi," Neji kindly spoke.

Naruto grinned, giving the stoic boy another hug before skipping away, "Thanks Neji-kun!"

Neji shook his head incredulously as the blond left the clearing. Naruto Uzumaki was perhaps the oddest girl he had ever met, but he was thankful for her presence in his life regardless. He was just glad she had yet to devise a foul nickname for him.

* * *

"No."

"_Come on!_ Please!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I wasn't clear. I meant _fuck no_."

"Come on, Naruto. Don't be a brat about this."

Naruto raised a brow, "What do I get out of this?"

Genma scowled, "My thanks?"

Naruto laughed, "Thanks, but no thanks. Ask again when you have something to offer me."

The senbon user groaned, "Fine, you win you little brat. Do this favor for me, and I'll pay for dinner every night for a week."

"A month."

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks of dinner, and one week of breakfast."

"You've got yourself a deal. Now, go be a nuisance," Genma agreed, shooing the little blond towards the entrance of the shinobi bar they had regularly frequented throughout the years.

Naruto laughed jovially as she casually strolled into the bar. No one even bothered stopping her anymore, as they were much too used to her presence, so she no longer had to sneak in from the back door. She greeted the regulars as she marched over to her usual booth, where the grinning visage of one of her favorite jonins greeted her, "Hey Naruto! What brings you here today? Shouldn't you be training?"

Naruto shrugged as she took a seat, "Nah, the pervert let us go early."

Asuma chuckled as he took a swig of his drink, "That's Kakashi for you."

"Shouldn't you be with your team now? I heard you got the Ino-Shika-Cho trio," Naruto commented.

Asuma nodded, "I did. But I let them go early as well. Real training starts tomorrow."

Naruto lowly whistled, "Good luck with them. Ino is a rabid fangirl, while the boys seem to be in competition on who could be the laziest. Hint: Shikamaru is winning."

The jonin groaned, "I know. They're going to drive me insane before the week is through, I can just see it."

Naruto tilted her head to the side in contemplation, "You know, I can actually help you."

"How so?" He questioned, his brow furrowed in thought.

"Well I've shared classes with the three of them for years, I know their skills inside and out. I can give you the rundown on their levels, I'm also pretty sure I have some of their classified files in my apartment."

Asuma paused, "Why do you have their _classified _files?"

Naruto laughed, "Oh come on Smokey, don't tell me you're surprised? I needed them for a prank of course."

Asuma sighed, "No wonder the Academy wasn't able to provide their files, they thought they just misplaced the entire class's files."

Naruto grinned, "Misplaced… taken. Same thing."

"Any chance I can have them back?"

Naruto shrugged, "Sure thing, I don't need them anymore. Want to come with me now to pick them up?"

Asuma hesitated, his eyes darting around the bar, "Um, I'm actually waiting for someone, so…"

Naruto burst out laughing, "You're ditching the fate of your students for a date? Seriously?! You're just as bad as Oral Fixation."

Sarutobi grimaced as he rose from his seat, "I suppose you have a point. Now come on, these files better be in pristine condition."

Naruto rolled her eyes as she led the jonin towards her apartment, "Yeah yeah yeah, don't get your panties all in a bunch about it Smokey."

Mission: distract Asuma from a potential date so that Genma could freely flirt with Kurenai, success. Genma _so _owed her for this.


End file.
